My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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