so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The best revenge is premature balding
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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