meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
