Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
