too bad you live with your parents still
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This toilet bowl is my home.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
