dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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