My first STD was from a foam party
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
