shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We're too hungover to prance.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
