It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
