I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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