i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fill condoms, not promises.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
