Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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