Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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