Got a toothbrush?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
