I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
