I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize