Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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