you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
