All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
