I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
