the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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