i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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