We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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