I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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