oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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