Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
