I am puke
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
