Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
