Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
