is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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