You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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