I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
