sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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