Non-Jews are for practice
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
