nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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