Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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