I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
