apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
