I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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