i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All the doctor said was why
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
