Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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