She's JV to your varsity
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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