Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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