i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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