Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
