I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
