Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
