Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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