the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
