So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
be right there i have to get my cape
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
