i just wanna soil my oats bro
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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