Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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