she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
