what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
