saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
