I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
