Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
