Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
