it's not cheating when I paid for it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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