"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
