You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
