You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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