i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
