when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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