were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
