Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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