she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
