Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
