Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
