I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just high enough for therapy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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