Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Green mimosas i think yes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
