I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
