so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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