remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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