i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
