Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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