using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
