there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
