Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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