There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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