youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
