I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I understand Curling. That high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
