Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

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  (269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it. http://tfl.nu/t2uq
  Replies (9) Good night (3836) Bad night (682)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11970) Bad night (1022)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

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  (703): nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase http://tfl.nu/yg43
  Replies (11) Good night (4634) Bad night (1412)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1398) Bad night (11473)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

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  (651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/g1hs
  Replies (5) Good night (5599) Bad night (677)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

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  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2333) Bad night (4657)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

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  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3933) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt

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  (413): i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt http://tfl.nu/1w7q
  Replies (4) Good night (1601) Bad night (684)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.

  (904): View more from Florida

  And you say you're not good with numbers...

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  (704): There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night. (904): And you say you're not good with numbers... http://tfl.nu/gbor
  Replies (5) Good night (1224) Bad night (452)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."

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  (541): So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here." http://tfl.nu/zbul
  Replies (5) Good night (1919) Bad night (462)
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  (+02): View more from

  I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods

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  (+02): I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods http://tfl.nu/ntv5
  Replies (1) Good night (1072) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It turns out my teeth are bleeding.

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  (+44): Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become. (+44): It turns out my teeth are bleeding. http://tfl.nu/m4n5
  Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (1965)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Gotta love Minnesota

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  (612): Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door. (917): Gotta love Minnesota http://tfl.nu/qkph
  Replies (3) Good night (925) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.

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  (215): Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it. http://tfl.nu/dtmi
  Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (635)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better

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  (310): I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better http://tfl.nu/klrf
  Replies (2) Good night (420) Bad night (298)

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