Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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(973): so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement http://tfl.nu/oky4

Replies (12) Good night (4911) Bad night (1606)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i think i scared a bird with my dick

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(832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx

Replies (20) Good night (4693) Bad night (1254)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I had a frozen water bed.

(253): View more from Washington

best. idea. ever.

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(734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7

Replies (58) Good night (5922) Bad night (2193)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.

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(617): The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door. http://tfl.nu/n48k

Replies (29) Good night (4006) Bad night (1580)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju

Replies (24) Good night (12766) Bad night (1748)
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(516): View more from New York

my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

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(516): my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now http://tfl.nu/4n6q

Replies (13) Good night (1467) Bad night (2200)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.

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(973): Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality. http://tfl.nu/dmqi

Replies (9) Good night (2167) Bad night (1073)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did

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(910): It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did http://tfl.nu/v7hu

Replies (11) Good night (941) Bad night (1566)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

i just like, need to vent to someone

(919): View more from North Carolina

Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?

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(910): i just like, need to vent to someone (919): Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you? http://tfl.nu/t3kk

Replies (14) Good night (2837) Bad night (2020)
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(817): View more from Texas

she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable

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(817): she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable http://tfl.nu/cijd

Replies (13) Good night (728) Bad night (1992)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

Replies (6) Good night (1590) Bad night (609)
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(773): View more from Illinois

We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment

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(773): We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment http://tfl.nu/wv2s

Replies (2) Good night (691) Bad night (280)
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(831): View more from California

my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.

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(831): my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate. http://tfl.nu/8t7a

Replies (1) Good night (779) Bad night (413)
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(407): View more from Florida

I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent

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(407): I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent http://tfl.nu/qh18

Replies (3) Good night (384) Bad night (517)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.

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(717): She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious. http://tfl.nu/pknw

Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (575)

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