rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
