Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
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I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.