Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
