Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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  (214): I wish you were here to vomit in your hand. http://tfl.nu/my7z
  Replies (4) Good night (638) Bad night (1914)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.

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  (919): DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages. http://tfl.nu/6cym
  Replies (16) Good night (3061) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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  (727): He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass. http://tfl.nu/11ss
  Replies (8) Good night (995) Bad night (4577)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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  (414): filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edt0
  Replies (16) Good night (864) Bad night (3959)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.

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  (630): I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti. http://tfl.nu/166m
  Replies (21) Good night (1204) Bad night (6659)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

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  (708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug
  Replies (10) Good night (5695) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal

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  (406): i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal http://tfl.nu/k627
  Replies (36) Good night (5611) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone

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  (414): we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone http://tfl.nu/fyy6
  Replies (32) Good night (7122) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

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  (905): while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger" http://tfl.nu/ftph
  Replies (20) Good night (4258) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

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  (305): I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn http://tfl.nu/ufam
  Replies (25) Good night (4469) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.

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  (619): found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham. http://tfl.nu/ri7m
  Replies (15) Good night (2727) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.

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  (813): A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise. http://tfl.nu/t24q
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos

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  (570): Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos http://tfl.nu/gb6j
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.

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  (907): You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug. http://tfl.nu/t259
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.

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  (908): Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today. http://tfl.nu/fwke
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (207)

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